aetherling

Hi Internet. I should be asleep but I don't want to. Because I've developed a crush? and it confuses and delights and frustrates and saddens me? How does love work? How do feelings function? Why does he have to use awesome snelling body wash, and why do I want to bury my face in his chest and hold him and never let go? How do I have the patience to wait for him until he's ready to move on from his ex? How do I swallow the lump in my throat when he talks about her? How do I deal with all this on top of schoolwork?

I have too many conflicted feelings about the Pokemon fandom.

On one hand, I want to read ALL THE FICS! of only my OTP. Then on the other hand, I'm going "nuuu muh childhood" or "ugh these one-shots are so unsatisfying, gibe me plot plox" or "no one stays on a mountain for 3 years with just a t-shirt AND makes people go out of their way to take care of their basic needs, jfc, is this seriously what passes for romance these days???"

Also, it's just so damn big. So on one hand, I look at the kink meme and think "wow much prompt such unfilled very deserted wow. I should fill some out". And on the other hand, I'm thinking "mmmeeeehhhhh". There's just way too many parings I don't care about, tbh. And kinks that make my inner childhood cry. And no one around to actually read fills.

Also I can't seem to find a very active community. (Except maybe tumblr, but I hate that site. Its design seriously bothers me. You can create a community/fandom really easily, but there's no forum or actual comment area to hold meaningful discussions with multiple people, so all you're left with is a million reblogs.) Guess that's to be expected for something nearly 20 years old :/

Also apparently I did well in that interview. Too bad because I've changed career paths YET AGAIN. My life seriously needs to get back in order so I can write more.

Last Friday my coworker asked me if I believed dreams predict the future. I am no believer in superstition, but I do recognize the theory that dreams are a way for our brains to cope with possible future events and grapple with particular problems plaguing our minds. And there is nothing like the feeling of waking up from a nightmare and realizing that reality is wonderful. Or sorting out a busy schedule in your head. Or waking up from a wonderful dream and spending the rest of the day dwelling on the memory, trying to feel the emotion you felt so vividly in your mind, emotions you've never felt but seem so real and right there that you endeavor to recreate them in reality to get that indescribable rush again.

Last night I had another dream about my OTP. The first one was nearly 2 years ago, when I still thought about them regularly, but this time I dreamt about Red and Green despite my current infatuation with Kawoshin. My first one was quite the swashbuckling detail-packed epic with life-threatening challenges before I/Red could meet with Green one more time to say goodbye for good, but when we sat together by the creek saying nothing, a massive blossoming warmth of emotions stayed within my memories well after I woke.

The second dream involved me/Red taking a series of practical test on the strangest subjects somehow tangentially related to Pokemon and becoming a Pokemon Master. I was taking the test with a large group of other trainers, but the whole time I was looking for Green. I couldn't even answer any questions because I was so busy thinking about how much I want to just hold his warm hand in mine. My pitiful words do no justice in depicting the powerful longing to hold hands that lingered in my waking hours. It's also completely strange too--I've never gave much thought to the gesture of hand-holding but to dream-me/Red, it was the most precious thing I could do, to be hand in hand with him at last. (Turns out he was in a separate test group. I never did get to actually hold his hand.)

After a long but fun day of stand up paddle boating (in not-dreamland), I went online and saw what I only dared to dream in my wildest dreams: an original Red and Green (game versions) anime scheduled to premiere in October. I can't even remember how I found the trailer--I just remember posting it everywhere and looking up more information on it frantically for the next 2 hours. (OK I remember now, another friend had posted it wondering if it was the PokeSpe anime at last) I had never thought I'd see the day they'd do an actual anime of the original Red and Green--no Ash, no weirdly Over Powered Pikachu (for now). I'm sure I'm piling a ton of expectations on this fledgling anime already, but honestly with freaking Ash Ketchum as comparison, it shouldn't be too hard to overcome my expectations. I'm also excited for the new influx of Red/Green fans/art/fic, because my OTP is nearly 20 years old and the fandom needs renewing for sure haha. (Which is also why I like the Evangelion Q movie for bringing in a fresh new wave of Kawoshin material, haha. Even though that movie annoys me very much.) What a wonderful year for nostalgia!