aetherling

Hi Internet. I should be asleep but I don't want to. Because I've developed a crush? and it confuses and delights and frustrates and saddens me? How does love work? How do feelings function? Why does he have to use awesome snelling body wash, and why do I want to bury my face in his chest and hold him and never let go? How do I have the patience to wait for him until he's ready to move on from his ex? How do I swallow the lump in my throat when he talks about her? How do I deal with all this on top of schoolwork?

I have too many conflicted feelings about the Pokemon fandom.

On one hand, I want to read ALL THE FICS! of only my OTP. Then on the other hand, I'm going "nuuu muh childhood" or "ugh these one-shots are so unsatisfying, gibe me plot plox" or "no one stays on a mountain for 3 years with just a t-shirt AND makes people go out of their way to take care of their basic needs, jfc, is this seriously what passes for romance these days???"

Also, it's just so damn big. So on one hand, I look at the kink meme and think "wow much prompt such unfilled very deserted wow. I should fill some out". And on the other hand, I'm thinking "mmmeeeehhhhh". There's just way too many parings I don't care about, tbh. And kinks that make my inner childhood cry. And no one around to actually read fills.

Also I can't seem to find a very active community. (Except maybe tumblr, but I hate that site. Its design seriously bothers me. You can create a community/fandom really easily, but there's no forum or actual comment area to hold meaningful discussions with multiple people, so all you're left with is a million reblogs.) Guess that's to be expected for something nearly 20 years old :/

Also apparently I did well in that interview. Too bad because I've changed career paths YET AGAIN. My life seriously needs to get back in order so I can write more.

freaking hell it's been 5 months since I last worked on KoN it's not dead I swear
but kids, this is why when you happen upon an idea you find nice, beat its head in and throw it in the trunk of your car and tie it up in your basement so you can exploit the hell out of it asap and don't be like me where i just bid it good day and let it pass like an idiot and come back upon it like a year later (YES I HAD THIS IDEA FOR A WHOLE YEAR I AM BAD AT THIS WRITING THING) and go "deeeeerrrrrrppp"
yeah anyways I'm done with the college
and the annual Christmas road trip is soon, so I should have lots of time to write
theoretically
I say this every year
also wondering if i should do the blog thing again
and the proper grammar thing
and the art thing
speaking of the art thing i look back at my old stuff and can pinpoint exactly when i stopped improving, which was when i stopped drawing stupid comics :(
because this is what i do every time i come back home
look at my old stuff because wifi is crap here
and let the cringing commence
just like how i will cringe at this entry a year from now
i mean an hour